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How to punish a child in order not to harm him?

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There are no parents who would not want to live with their children in complete understanding. Many moms and dads are wondering how to raise a child without shouting and punishment. Let's try to figure out why this doesn’t always work out for us, and find out what needs to be done so that a peaceful and calm atmosphere reigns in our house.

According to psychologists, often parents can not achieve anything with words, because they use the wrong method of education. Also, experts note that the baby's temperament plays a big role in this issue. Of course, there are no councils in the upbringing of a child, which would be equally suitable for each individual family. However, the basic rules, observing that you can build the right relationship, you should know.

Age crises in children

Sometimes parents incorrectly determine the causes of bad behavior of their children. Moms and dads think that they do not act as they should, contrary to prohibitions and spite. It turns out that the cause of whims and tantrums in many cases is the crisis of age, which marks the main stages of the child's growing up.

Stages of growing up minor children:

  1. From two to four years. This is the age when the child first begins to show his character. He wants to be more independent than his parents allow. Avoiding screams and punishments at this age is quite simple.
  2. Seven years. At this age, children in many matters become independent of their moms and dads. The difficulty lies in the fact that a child of seven years old may have authority besides his parents.
  3. Adolescence. Psychologists consider this period to be one of the most difficult in the life of every person.

The main rules of pedagogy

  • First of all, it should be noted that it is impossible to put pressure on their young children with authority and in every possible way try to restrain their independence. This is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, you can bring up a rather obedient child. But on the other hand, it also threatens with the fact that as an adult he cannot take responsibility for his actions. Relations between parents and children should be built on the principle of partnership.
  • Do not demand from the child obedience in the form of ultimatums and orders. Much more correct to present their requests in the form of wishes.
  • More often praise your child for good deeds.
  • Never raise your voice in a conversation with a baby, do not lose composure and be calm.
  • Remember that you are an authority for children. Always be a positive example for them. The little ones see the ideal in their parents and carefully observe how they behave in the family circle and among strangers. Before you scold your child for violating any prohibitions, make sure that you also do not violate them.

Learning to punish children correctly

Some parents believe that a naughty child cannot be raised without punishment and shouting. They are sure that this is one of the components of the pedagogical process. In this case, moms and dads should strictly adhere to the face of punishment. They should understand that the purpose of education in no case should not be revenge, and follow some rules:

  • In relations with the child there should be absolutely no violence. You need to avoid even light slaps, supposedly a joke.
  • Parents' requirements must always be consistent. It is impossible at different times to treat the same offense of a child differently.
  • The kid should know that disobedience will entail bad consequences.
  • It is necessary to punish immediately after the offense. Measures that will be taken later will not be perceived properly and will lose their effectiveness.
  • Punishment of children in the family should be temporary.
  • A bad deed must be discussed alone with a child.
  • You can not insult or label the baby label. Condemnation is subject to a specific action, not the identity of the child.
  • Do not remember the children of their former misconduct. Discussing the punishment of the child, to speak with him only about what he has done now.

Spank or not a child in 2 years?

Especially you need to deal with the punishment of a child under the age of three. Scold the baby or not, how to deal with a naughty crumb? Some parents, without hesitation, use physical force: they put in a corner or slap on the pope. Other adults prefer to put moral pressure on the child, for example, they refuse to read the baby before going to bed or are not allowed to watch the cartoon.

A great number of works have been written about the methods of pedagogy, but parents all the same constantly return to the same question: can one slap a child? Some psychologists are convinced that if parents do not abuse physical punishments, and also if they do not frighten the child too much, sometimes this method can still be used.

The fact is that a child older than two years old is already beginning to realize that in some situations it is not right. But at the same time he can not always stop his bad behavior. Children of this age sometimes check the limits of what is permitted. They have not yet learned how to navigate well in our world, and sometimes find out how far in whims and indulgence parents will allow them to go. In this case, the mom or dad should use the measures of punishment of the child that will stop him and show a clear line.

Most experts agree that until a child reaches the age of two, it makes no sense to punish and scold him. Up to this age, this behavior of parents may not be regarded by the child as they would like. Such a child, when he was put in a corner, thinks he is bad, so mom and dad don't love him. He may see the consequences of his bad behavior (a broken plate, a dirty or a broken thing), but he still does not fully understand that this happened precisely because of him.

It is very important at an early age to teach a child to handle things around him properly, setting specific prohibitions. At the same time in details that the baby is unlikely to understand, it is not worth going into.

How to raise kids to three years?

This age is often characterized by the appearance of imaginary little fellow friends in children. Shifting the blame for doing bad things to others, the child feels more confident. Parents in this case need to figure out why their baby chose this model of behavior. We must try to discuss the situation with the baby and help him fix it. Guys who are not afraid of the conviction and anger of their parents, as a rule, freely tell them why they did wrong.

Closer to the age of three, kids want to feel more independent of their parents. It is then that they begin to act in defiance of mom and dad. Punishing a three-year plan is not worth it, since you can hardly achieve obedience. The child will resist even more actively in response to the use of force. Psychologists recommend that the pranks and whims of three-year-olds be treated with the knowledge that with time such behavior will come to naught.

Many experts are convinced that parents, choosing the method of punishing children from two to three years old, should clearly realize what result they want to achieve. Physical punishment of children will not give a lasting effect. To help the child realize his guilt and improve, you need to calmly explain to him why others were upsetting his act. Learn to carefully treat the little man, to hear it. This method will be the best "punishment."

Pedagogical measures

Educators classify penalties as follows:

  • ignoring
  • explanatory conversation
  • natural punishment of a child
  • symbolic punishment.

Ignoring is one of the most effective methods. At the same time, it should be used with extreme caution and with serious misconduct, so as not to undermine the authority of the parents. Psychologists say that when a baby fulfills the requirement of a mom or dad, then they must caress him. It is very important to understand that parents should always remain friends with whom he will be able to trust in difficult times for him.

If you have wondered how to raise a child without shouting and punishment, then more often carry out explanatory conversations with the baby. It is necessary to talk with a guilty child in a calm and restrained atmosphere. Parents should try to find out from the baby why he did this, and it is easy to explain to him why this cannot be done. This measure of punishment allows you to build trust between adults and children, as well as to find a common language. Talking without shouting and notation, you can get excellent results from the conversation.

Natural punishment occurs when the act of the child itself involves retribution. In this case, it is enough just to remind the kid that he was warned about the consequences.

Symbolic punishment of a child is a restriction of the child’s actions (standing in the corner, not watching a favorite cartoon).

What are children punished for?

To avoid an understatement in this matter, you need to negotiate with the children in advance what you can and cannot do. The child should be introduced into the course of prohibitions, which, in turn, should be reasonable for adults. If the baby has committed an act, but it has not yet been on the list of prohibitions, then the parent will have to refrain from punishment.

When can not punish?

It is necessary to understand that each situation is individual, therefore you should not act rashly. Even if the child has committed a rash act, in some cases it is still not worth punishing him. These are the following situations:

  • before bedtime,
  • during illness,
  • when a child eats,
  • during the game,
  • if the baby has a period of rehabilitation from a previously received physical or mental injury,
  • when the child made a mistake, but sincerely tried to avoid it,
  • if the adult is upset and in a bad mood.

Encouraging and punishing children

It is believed that the promotion and punishment are the only effective methods of managing people. The purpose of these actions for children is to develop a conditioned reflex. So, for the right behavior the baby receives a reward, for the wrong one - punishment.

There are these types of punishments for children:

A fair measure is considered to be the impact following the violation of the rules that the parents had previously discussed with the child. If a baby is punished unfairly, then as a result he gets a very strong offense, and his parents - a deep sense of guilt. We are talking about situations in which there is a lack of understanding of the meaning of punishment. Therefore, moms and dads should make their demands on the child as concrete as possible.

Also, parents often unjustly punish their children due to the influence of any situations that are not directly related to the behavior of the kids. Adults should learn to control their psycho-emotional state. This will allow children not to be confused due to inconsistent behavior of parents.

The most tragic, according to psychologists, is the situation when the child is punished because he is unloved. If parents find the strength to recognize this, they can try to rectify the situation. Relationships with children of such parents should be based on a sense of duty.

Teachers do not get tired of repeating that the main task of moms and dads is to raise their children with minimal psychological trauma.

Child promotion methods

The method of encouraging a child for good behavior is chosen based on his age. So, the younger the baby, the more tangible for him should be encouragement. You can give your child a new toy that he has long wanted, or play with him a little longer. Older children can be encouraged to go to the circus or an entertainment complex this weekend. The guys have a better developed sense of time, so they will accept this award correctly.

Punishment methods

Choosing methods of punishment of the child, you must also proceed from his age:

  1. Insulation. If the child is guilty, they either put him in a corner or leave him in the room. There should be no entertainment nearby, so that the baby can calmly think about his misconduct and realize the guilt. The time of this punishment is very simple to calculate: how many years a child, how many minutes should he be isolated.
  2. Deprivation of pleasure. If a naughty child committed an impartial act, then as a punishment it would be appropriate to deprive him of sweets or a favorite toy for a while.
  3. Punishing a child by a stranger. This method is very effective. The guys take to heart the criticism of outsiders, so you can ask a stranger to tell about the dangers of bad behavior.
  4. Scream. This method should be used only in hazardous situations for the child. You can shout at the baby so that he can stop the dangerous action. In other cases, this is not necessary. The kid, most likely, will not understand what the essence of the parental claims is, but he will learn the style of such behavior perfectly and will apply to you.
  5. Severity Some parents need only look sternly at the child, as he is already beginning to reflect on his behavior. Excessive severity leads to the fact that the baby begins to lie to avoid punishment.

Every parent on their own experience makes sure that raising a child is one of the most difficult missions in a person’s life. If adults have the knowledge of how to do it correctly, then it will be much easier for them to raise a child in mutual understanding and love.

Is the punishment of children justified?

The child, whom moms and dads beat up for any offense, is constantly threatened to be given to Babayk or a terrible wolf, is left in a corner or a dark room for several hours, and is often boycotted for a long time, without a doubt, can be called unhappy.

Such methods of education in the future will probably come back with a decrease in self-esteem, a sense of distrust of the world around us, and dislike.

It can be said that such disciplinary methods used by some parents cannot be attributed to upbringing, in fact it is ordinary cruelty.

However, absolute permissiveness is also not the best option. If a teenager or younger child has a conviction that everything is permissible for him and nothing will happen for him, then there will be no distinction between good and bad actions.

It turns out that the punishment is still necessary, but this understanding does not save parents from mistakes. For some reason, the grown-up children begin to remember how they were shouted at all, slapped unjustly with a belt, or put in a corner "just like that."

Unfortunately, most children do not do something, not because they understand the futility or short-sightedness of their act, but because they are afraid of being caught and of appropriate punishment.

According to psychologists, adequate punishment has several important tasks, among them:

  • correction of dangerous or undesirable child behavior,
  • control over previously defined boundaries,
  • support of parental authority,
  • compensation for damage caused by the child,
  • prevent unwanted behavior in the future.

From what age can children be punished?

As evidenced by age psychology, kids under two years old cannot grasp the connection between their inappropriate behavior and disciplinary measures on the part of parents.

Despite the age peculiarities, strict and clear restrictions should appear in the life of infants, which, however, should not be supported by corporal punishment. For example, a child can not beat a mother or poke fingers into a wall outlet.

Children of one - two years also should not be punished. At this age, parents are better off using simple distraction, shifting the child’s attention to another object or phenomenon. You should also explain the undesirability of this or that behavior, intonation highlighting the words "no" and "no".

At about 3 years old, the child enters a crisis period, so parents are faced with protests, the first tantrums, unwillingness to obey the general rules.

It is not always possible to distract the child, and the punishment is the termination of the game or the refusal to acquire the required toy.

From three to five years, the first punishments are introduced, since it is during this period that the basic rules and disciplinary measures are established. It is at this age that the child begins to stand in a corner or sit on a chair for the guilty.

After 6 to 7 years, corporal punishment should be abolished, if they have been used before, as children begin to feel humiliated by these measures. On the contrary, parents should discuss misconduct, explain with examples the motives of human behavior, develop sympathy.

Common causes of child disobedience

Many parents are convinced that their children do not obey because of harm, bad character, or unwillingness to compromise. However, the motives and prerequisites for "unworthy" childish behavior are actually many.

  1. Age crisis. Психологи выделяют несколько кризисных периодов в жизни ребёнка: 1 год, 3 года, 7 лет, 11 — 13 лет (приблизительные сроки). В это время в психике и физиологическом развитии детей происходят перемены, в результате чего поведение может меняться в худшую сторону.
  2. Чрезмерное количество запретов. При многочисленных ограничениях ребёнок может протестовать, добиваясь большей свободы.To understand how many prohibitions in the family, it is worth counting how many times you pronounce the word "no" within 24 hours.
  3. Inconsistency. Some parents behave inconsistently, today resolving something, and tomorrow already forbidding exactly the same action. Naturally, the child is lost in the landmarks, commits an offense, but does not understand why and why he is being punished.
  4. Mismatch between words and actions. Sometimes children behave incorrectly, because parents promise, for example, to punish for something, but do not keep their word. As a result, the child ignores the instructions of the parents and takes them frivolously.
  5. Different household requirements. Such a reason is possible when the family does not establish a unanimous opinion about the prohibitions and permitted actions. For example, the father has strict requirements for the adolescent, but his mother, on the contrary, pampers him. In this case, the child can break the "law" on the quiet, hoping for the protection of the mother.
  6. Disrespect of parents. The child is growing up, but the parents continue to treat him as a silly person, they refuse to recognize him as a person. It is not surprising that the teenager begins to protest, to violate the requirements and prohibitions.
  7. Inattention. Often children behave incorrectly only in order to attract parental attention. Their logic is simple: it’s better to punish a mother for a misdemeanor than she doesn’t notice and ignore.

Why not punish a child?

Experts recommend adults to build a kind of gradation of misconduct and disciplinary action. This will help to understand why children should not be punished, and when the introduction of "sanctions" is justified and, moreover, necessary.

Punishment is permissible if the child deliberately commits a prohibited act. The degree of disciplinary action will depend on the severity of the "atrocity" committed. For example, the theft of money, beating up a brother or sister, willful leaving the house.

Before punishment, it is still necessary to identify the motive of wrongdoing in order to make sure that such a serious act was committed maliciously, and not out of knowledge, by chance or from good wishes.

It is not recommended to punish the child:

  • for the pursuit of knowledge: jumping in puddles (to check their depth), disassembling objects (even if expensive) into parts, researching one's own genitals,
  • for particular age and physiology: inability to go to the pot, for hyperactivity, low level of attention, poor memory, trouble falling asleep,
  • for behavior due to illness: neurosis, psychiatric diseases,
  • for natural emotions: rebellion of three-year-olds, envy of other people's things, zealous manifestations of a brother or sister,
  • for careless acts: got dirty on the street, spilled milk in the kitchen.

No, because the act was initially positive, and the child proceeded from the best of intentions. On the contrary, the child needs to sympathize, support and help, prompting how to avoid such blunders in the future.

Opinion of Dr. Dobson

The author of several popular books on parenting, James Dobson, is a famous Christian psychologist from the United States.

You can treat his views differently (Dobson is a supporter of physical punishment), but he formulated 6 principles that deserve a separate discussion.

  1. First of all, it is necessary to establish boundaries, and only then to demand their observance. Only in this case the child will consider the punishment fair. The conclusion is simple: if the parents did not stipulate the rules, they cannot be demanded.
  2. If children behave defiantly, need to act decisively. Helpless parents' behavior, inability to repulse a small “aggressor”, unwillingness to go into conflict is perceived as weakness, as a result of which the authority of an adult is reduced.
  3. It is necessary to distinguish self-will from irresponsibility. If the child has forgotten the request or did not understand the requirements, you should not be punished. Children's thinking and memory are not as developed as in adults. So irresponsible behavior requires patience, not punishment.
  4. It’s only worth asking what the child can actually do.. For example, you should not punish children for wetted bed or a broken toy. After all, this is either a feature of development or a process of cognition; therefore, it is worthwhile to take failures philosophically.
  5. Parents should be guided by love. Before applying disciplinary measures, you need to understand the situation, remain calm and remember your warm feelings for the child. Only in this case can parental rigor be justified.
  6. After punishment and exhaustion of the conflict situation need to console a teenager and explain the motives of your act. The parent should make peace with the child, tell you that you love him and have negative emotions because of the need to punish him.

9 general principles of "correct" punishment

Another task of punishment is to help children understand their feelings and committed act, and also avoid repeating such mistakes in the future.

In order for “retribution” to have a positive effect, it is necessary, regardless of the age of the child, follow some rules:

  1. Observe the sequence. Punishment should follow the same deeds. Also, do not ignore child disobedience, even if you have no time or you do not know how to behave in this case.
  2. Consider the severity of misconduct. A little self-indulgence or a first time offense should only be worth a warning. Bad behavior (malicious or intentional) should be followed by a serious reaction.
  3. Limit the duration of the sentence. Always report the duration of the disciplinary measure, otherwise the child will soon lose the relationship between the violation and the restriction, which lasts a whole month.
  4. Act calm. First of all, you need to calm down, and only then come to the choice of punishment. Otherwise, inadequate measures may be taken.
  5. Reconcile with your spouse. To eliminate manipulations, it is necessary to coordinate all the rules, restrictions and penalties with the husband or wife.
  6. Show a positive example. In order for the child to behave properly, you need to show patterns of desired behavior. Politeness, honesty are welcome.
  7. Consider the features of the child. For example, a melancholic should be punished less severely (or differently) than a sanguine person. Also consider the age of the offender.
  8. Punish the child alone. It is necessary to praise in public, but the punishment should apply only to you and the child. Such privacy is necessary not to injure children's self-esteem.
  9. Develop a ritual of reconciliation. It will be useful to develop a special ceremony that will mark the end of the punishment. For example, you can read a poem, weave little fingers. The latter option, by the way, is even good for health.

Constructive methods of punishing the child

So, the basic rules for applying disciplinary measures are known. It now remains to figure out how to punish the child and what loyal penalties can be included in your parental arsenal.

  1. Denial of privilege. This method is especially suitable for a teenager. As a punishment, you can use the restriction of access to a computer or TV.
  2. Correction of the accomplished. If the child intentionally painted the tabletop with a felt-tip pen, hand him a rag and detergent - let him correct his offense.
  3. Time-out. A small "hooligan" is placed in a separate room for a few minutes (one minute per year). The room should not be toys, laptop, cartoons.
  4. Apology. If your child has offended anyone, you need to make him apologize and, if possible, correct the situation. For example, draw a picture instead of a torn picture.
  5. Ignore. It is more suitable for small children, but too often this method cannot be used. Refuse to communicate with the harmful child, leave the room.
  6. Gaining negative experience. In some situations, you need to allow the child to do what he wants. Naturally, you need to make sure that the child does not hurt himself.
  7. Restriction of communication with peers. In the case of serious misconduct, it is worthwhile to introduce a “curfew” for a short time, limiting the child’s communication with his buddies.
  8. Empowerment. In response to a misdemeanor, his parents assign him “community service”. This may be an extraordinary dishwashing, cleaning the living room, etc.

Prohibited Tricks

Knowing how to punish a child is really important. However, it is necessary to understand that there are certain taboos in the selection of disciplinary measures.

Improper behavior of adults can lead to protests, difficulties in learning, isolation and reluctance of children to communicate with their own parents. Insults can go into the future.

What extremes should be avoided in sentencing? Experts advise to abandon several excesses:

  1. Humiliation. The chosen disciplinary measure should in no way degrade the dignity of the child. That is, we can not say that he is a fool, a muddle, etc.
  2. Harm to health. It is not only about flogging, but also about such brutal upbringing methods as squatting, dousing with cold water, forcing him to fast. You can not also put children on their knees in the corner.
  3. Simultaneous punishment for several mistakes. The correct principle is: one “sin” is one punishment. It is best to punish for the most serious offense.
  4. Public punishment. As already noted, punishment in public inflicts psychological trauma to a teenager or harms his reputation in the children's team.
  5. Unreasonable refusal of punishment. Be consistent: if you decide to take action, keep the promise. Otherwise, you risk losing credibility.
  6. Deferred punishment. It is impossible to force the child to wait, to suffer because of the expectation of an inevitable “punishment”, to imagine what is waiting for him. This is a kind of moral mockery of children.

Is physical punishment acceptable?

Probably, not a single question of parental upbringing methods provokes such a heated discussion as bodily influence on a child. Many experts are categorically opposed to such a disciplinary measure, but some parents still apply it.

Usually, mothers and fathers cite the following argument as an excuse: “My parents thrashed me, and nothing — grew no worse than the rest.”

In addition, numerous Russian sayings and proverbs that favor whipping come to mind. Like, beat the child, while it across the bench fits ...

However, opponents of physical punishment provide other arguments that seem to be more “reinforced”. Besides the fact that the punishment of a child with a belt is painful and offensive, one should also remember the likely results of such a method of education.

So, a consequence of the use of bodily exposure can be:

  • injury to a child (due to excessive use of force)
  • psychological trauma (fears, low self-esteem, social phobia, etc.),
  • aggressiveness,
  • desire to rebel for any reason
  • desire for revenge
  • spoiled parent-child relationships.

Thus, the father belt is not the best way to raise children. Cruelty will surely make itself felt, even if the problems show up not now, but in the distant future.

An example is a situation where a frightened mother in the hearts slaps her young child, who ran out onto a busy road and nearly got under the wheels of a vehicle. It is believed that such a bodily impact does not demean children, but attracts attention.

As output

Punishment is an ambiguous method, so there are many opinions and judgments about the possibility and desirability of its use. It should summarize the above and voice the most important and useful thoughts.

  1. The ideal child does not exist. A kid is a person who has desires that do not always coincide with the requirements of the parents. The result of this contradiction is punishment.
  2. Children under the age of 2–3 do not make sense to punish, because they do not yet understand the relationship between their actions and parental influence.
  3. It is important to consider the possible causes of disobedience, sometimes the knowledge of the motives leads to the rejection of the use of punishment.
  4. You can not punish children for the desire to know the world, for the desire to help or careless actions. But malicious acts must be punished.
  5. All matters relating to disciplinary action must be coordinated with all family members.
  6. It is better to use constructive methods of influence on the child, which should help to correct children's behavior.
  7. It is necessary to refuse physical punishments (whenever possible), threats, offensive actions. Condemn need misconduct, not the identity of the child.

However, bending with disciplinary measures should not be best explained to a child without shouting and punishment, why his behavior is wrong and how to behave in a given situation. Parental advice, pronounced with respect, will surely be heard by children.

And 9 tips on how to punish correctly

Imagine such a picture. You, after a long day at work, wearily come home. Traditionally you look around. The child is intact, all the furniture is in place, the flowers are in pots, you can breathe out ... And then your Barsik, crookedly cropped under the lion, comes to meet you. And behind the contented young hairdresser.

What to do? Scream, spank, put in a corner? And if you want to do everything at once? Do not hurry. Take it easy using the methods we wrote about earlier and read this article.

We remembered the most frequent types of punishment and added to each point the opinions of “for” and “against” parents from various forums and pages of social networks.

1. Use force.
Many parents argue for hours on subject forums about whether physical force can or cannot be used as a method of education. Some people are categorically against and are ready to defend this position with foaming at the mouth, others believe that there will be nothing from a few slaps, others say that you can’t bring it up without a belt.

BEHIND:

“People can not be beaten, no, neither large nor small. But if a person has a tantrum, then he is stopped by a slap in the face, isn't it? Yes, in the overwhelming majority of cases (in my opinion) the physical “punishment” of a child is painted in the helplessness of the parents and in the pedagogical “fiasco”. But there are cases when a child can be brought to life only by slapping on the bottom? (while remaining calm internally and strangely, proceeding from parental love) ”.

“It's one thing to“ beat ”children and quite another to“ slap on the pope ”. Nobody punished anyone in a year, but now his son is 2.5 years old and sometimes slaps on his ass. Both my sister and me were spanked in my childhood as a priest, and once I even pulled out my belt (I remember the job myself). Grown ordinary, educated and loving people girls. In my childhood my husband was beaten thoroughly, he grew up kind of raised too, but there is anger on his parents. Maybe send (once heard: ((((
Thus, my conclusion is that rare slaps on the pope (in the case) are sometimes simply irreplaceable. And they have nothing to do with the concept of “beating”, “beating” a child.
I also like a way to calm down - just slap it once with a strap, and then just frighten them, they say, now I’ll take a belt… ”.

VS:

“I was beaten in my childhood for any nonsense. Well what can I say? Let them not be surprised that I rarely call, come even less often and what should we talk about?
And in fact, the point is not to beat, but not the parents' desire to understand their child (in my case) I certainly worry about them and I hope that everything is good for them, but I don’t give me any support. ”

“I slap on the pope and other punishments also do not understand and do not accept. Our parents never touched us with a finger, everything went in an educational conversation. I also have never knocked my child and put it in a corner. Think for yourself when you say the word NOT! What does this mean for a child? after all, he does not understand what is wrong? why not? I let my child try everything. That he understood my words. Want to touch a hot kettle? - let me touch with my finger, let him understand what it is impossible to, it means dangerous. Let him take scissors and, under your supervision, cut the paper, sew it with a needle, and inject. So that the word can not be an empty sound. Let him mess up clothes on the street, jump in the puddle, enjoy (you need to have clothes for the street that you can carry in the mud) It's the same childhood and everything should be taught and tried. My child sheds a mug every day. What should I do? and you do not have such a thing? no mood, broke the dishes, do not want to swim today. After all, no one beats you on the pope. You want the child to be and behave according to your model, what you put in your head. And a child is a person first of all and this should be taken into account. ”

2. Scream.
Is it possible to or not to shout at the child? Multi-page forums are full of themes: “I scream at a child: what to do?”. Here opinions differ slightly less than in the question of slaps, the majority of parents are against shouting, and then they themselves become ashamed of incontinence. Because these topics on the forums and appear.

BEHIND:

“This happens sometimes. You tell him one, two, three, four times - like in a void, zero reaction, then how you garnish ... And everything comes right away. "

“I also sometimes scream, I can't do anything with myself. Особенно, когда по сотому разу надо повторять — а шапку взял, а то положил, а это сделал. И ничего, или да-да, а потом все оказывается забыто, ору… Конечно, не хорошо, но зато как помогает. Главное не частить, чтоб не привык к ору».

ПРОТИВ:

«Орут (родители) от бессилия, когда не могут или не знают как себя вести.Next - for the daughter is an example of how to behave, and she hysteria in response. Children are a mirror image of their parents, they are very attentive and not stupid.Ideally, a single glance should be enough for a parent to make the child understand that he is upset by his behavior. ”

“You put yourself in the shoes of a child? Or imagine that you are already a lady in the age, and your already adult daughter due to various problems, tiredness screaming at her already aged mother?
what will you be? ”

3. Bullying.
We all know the sayings in the spirit of "you will not obey, I will give to Baba Yaga." And: “Everything! I’ll throw all your toys away! ” Both promises are impracticable, the child after the first unfulfilled word may stop taking you seriously. But many people think that it helps. And they hope that Baba Yaga will indeed take the disobedient child for at least a couple of hours.

BEHIND:

“My children have phone maniacs, so if they try to make trouble, I say that if I repeat again, I’ll take the phone and not give it back. Children very quickly accept the rules of the game. ”

“Docha is the sweet tooth. She should say that I eat all the sweet things myself (I don’t eat them, of course, we have a lot of it), as soon as I’m not a mom-and-mom. It works flawlessly. "

VS:

“Intimidation is not known by anything - a dubious option, it is not known how it will affect the child. Well, for example, will meet the old woman on the street and think that this is Baba Yaga, stress.
Well, if you frighten, although it is better to threaten, with something concrete, so that there is no flight of fancy that it is not clear where to turn.

“Most often, fear is caused by improper upbringing tactics; it arises as a result of various kinds of intimidation. For example: “you will behave badly, the aunt the doctor will make an injection” or “I will give my uncle to the policeman” or “you will not obey, the dog will drag off”, etc. and the doctor who came to the sick child makes him terrified. ”

4. To deprive of something.

Pick up a favorite toy, ban a sweet or a tablet, do not let go to the cinema - this is what parents often do in response to the trick of the child. It seems quite logical. We have done badly - here we are too bad for you, an eye for an eye, a telephone for a service broken by a ball.

BEHIND:

“We punish our child like this: we take away all the cars he plays with him. If he is very guilty of something, then he will be left without toys for two or three days. We also put in a corner, thank God that I began to understand what it is and why they put it there. ”

“It is best to deprive the child of something. For example, if you tear books, it spoils toys - pick them up and don’t give them away. If a child is older, it became poorly to learn because of too often sticking out in the Internet, withdraw the tablet, phone. To deprive of sweets, cartoons, walks is sometimes meaningless, because there are children who say that they don’t really need it. Judging by myself and my child. "

VS:

“It’s impossible to row all children with the same comb. I have two children and I have to apply my own method to everyone. If the eldest son has always acted isolating and depriving any benefits and pleasures, the younger child is very stubborn and it does not work on him, it helps to express his grief with such behavior and talk about the inadmissibility of this. ”

“Taking your favorite is wrong. And if you had your phone taken away at work because you came out to answer the call, you probably wouldn't like it. There must be a punishment such as an act. Broke - clean, shouted - apologize and you can always agree, and not select. "

5. Arrange a boycott.
Why shout or fight if you can just shut up? Let the child himself understand what's the matter, while the mother silently goes about her business. Quiet mother, quiet child, peace and quiet ...

BEHIND:

“And my parents punished me with complete ignorance: it came quickly, I realized how disgusting I entered, that they don’t even want to talk to me, they don’t even want to look at my side. It is useless to beat and shout, the angle in general I consider stupid and meaningless. I stop talking to my children, the effect comes faster — they approach themselves, voice their actions and behave differently. It is necessary for the child to analyze his own behavior and understand what he is wrong about. ”

“I did not punish children. But she was very upset and silent. Both my daughter and son were very worried that I was silent and started asking me why I had such a sad look and why I was silent. It was then that I explained to them the reason for my sadness, they themselves asked for forgiveness, we put up and our differences were repaid with hugs. ”

VS:

“In my opinion, it would be much better to discuss with your child the reason for your dissatisfaction, explain what is wrong with his act and why you should not do so in the future. Ignoring a kid and not talking to him is really not very good. First, the child may not understand, because of what mom was offended by it. Secondly, he will get used to “silence” the problems, and in the future this will not bring anything good. ”

“The child is not a telepath, in order to understand why mom hid a frenzy, especially a crumb. It will put pressure on him, but he may not guess or do not want to ask. As a result, half an hour of silence and frustrated mother and pipsqueak, who cares? ”

6. Put in a corner.
Another topic under discussion - is it possible to put in a corner? Some say that it is possible, they were put, they put their children, and they will be theirs. There is nothing better than time-tested tools. Others say that their children do not stand in the corners and in general there negative energy accumulates. Who is right - you decide.

BEHIND:

“The optimal method of punishment, according to our doctor, is the good old Angle. For hooliganism, refusal to obey, unreasonable whims that did not cease after the first (!) Warning, you must take the child by the hand, look into his eyes, briefly and clearly say what he is being punished for, and take him to an empty corner, better even in another room and prohibit them from going out (if it comes out without asking, return). ”

“Daughter 1.5 years and stood at the company and demanded to turn on the cartoon. started whining (not crying), freaking out, stomping I was not going to turn it on to her and said no. took it into a corner, said that as it would cease to be capricious, she could go out. and not a minute passed as a child and forgot about his tantrum. Now begins to command, I her - you want in a corner? baby immediately becomes obedient. the truth is not often around the corner, so that as a joke does not become with us. "

VS:

“How accurately do I remember being small and put me in a corner, but the fact is that I don’t remember what I was thinking there, but as a rule I didn’t feel guilt, apparently because my mother didn’t spend much time explaining, just put and everything. The eldest son, the little ones, also put them in the corner to “think about their behavior”, learning from parental mistakes, took the time to explain the reason for the punishment. My son usually “thought” there lying, sitting and also not knowing what :) ”.

“Not everyone can be put in a corner. My brother stood, but I did not, went out simply and began to engage in some other things. I could either be asked not to do something / do something, or I could clearly explain why such demands were made to me. Usually after that I easily went on an agreement. I never put my daughter in the corners, but if the child got really naughty, I took her to another room, sat next to her and examined in detail what exactly seemed to me wrong in her behavior, then offered to sit and think what the reason was and avoid mistakes. "

7. Make work.

Another frequent type of punishment is labor. Most often - housework. "Now you will wash the dishes for three weeks!" And they unloaded themselves and punished the child, and the dishes would be clean. The truth is perhaps not very whole, if your shkodnik is tired of all this.

BEHIND:

“Hello, I believe that the most important types of punishment are labor and deprivation of certain pleasures. Labor always helps the child to improve and who improves labor for her husband, and helps to understand his actions. ”

“Now children have no labor discipline at all, it is necessary to teach them somehow, at least so. But the housework will be done and the child will work. If my son behaved badly, I left him at home with a computer for the weekend, and sent him to build a well to his dacha ”.

VS:

“I once, with a fool, apparently because of a truancy at school, forced the child to wash all the floors in the house. Well, of course, I washed my son, but since then he has taken any request to help with cleaning. He has his own duties at home, but now the floors are just for absenteeism, apparently. ”

"In no case. This is not a punishment, you are one family and should distribute household work, and not punish it. And so it will be washing dishes only on holidays or what? ”.

What else can you advise parents when punishing a child?

  • One crime - one punishment, the corresponding offense. Do not be cruel to petty misdemeanors and do not let your child get serious offenses.
  • The child must know the rules of behavior. If you did not explain to him in advance what you can do and what not, then it is more yours than his fault.
  • Do not over tighten. The child quickly forgets what he did. Punishment should follow immediately after, and not in the evening, when you have time.
  • Keep calm. If you constantly raise your voice, then the child will get used to it and will no longer perceive it as a threat. And at the same time will take this kind of behavior for themselves.
  • Coordinate with your spouse / relatives. If dad scolds and mom forgives, then the child will very quickly begin to manipulate the situation in its favor. You must be in solidarity, at least from the point of view of the child.
  • Expose the child alone. It is not necessary to punish the child publicly, it is psychologically very oppressive.
  • Do not punish the child for what you sin. If, before this, you neatly trimmed the cat's fur, do not be surprised that the child decided to repeat after you.
  • Encourage good behavior. Remember that in addition to the carrot, there is also gingerbread.
    Consider the age and nature of the child. In different periods, children are subject to different disciplinary measures.
  • It is clear that putting a student into a corner is no longer age. In addition, do not forget about his personality. If your child is usually sad and pensive - do not use the method of "intimidation", if it is too active - reading morality will not help, etc.

Obedient to you children and less reason to punish them!

How necessary is the punishment

If parents constantly award a child with slaps for each offense, talk about a terrible wolf as a punishment or leave it for a long time in a dark corner, then such a baby can be called unhappy. Such educational methods will lead to the fact that in the future he will have low self-esteem and distrust of everything around him. And also not all disciplinary methods can be considered educational process, rather banal cruelty.

But permissiveness does only harm. If the kid thinks that he will have nothing for bad behavior, then he will erase the boundaries of good deeds and bad deeds. It turns out that the punishment is mandatory, but mom and dad still make mistakes. And the child, growing up, reminds his parents that he was sometimes unjustly punished. If the censure had the desired effect, the child will understand what he was wrong, and in the future will not do so.

Psychologists believe that Proper punishment of children has several important tasks:

  1. Correction of unwanted behavior of the child.
  2. Control over the allowed limits.
  3. Compensation for harm caused by the baby.
  4. Prevent similar offenses in the future.

Thus, most experts agree that punishment is necessary. It remains only to understand how to punish a child, and from what age it can be done.

The optimal age for punishment

If a child is under two years old, he will not understand the connection between his misconduct and the preventive measures that parents will take. For example, Japanese parents prefer not to scold the child until he is 3 years old. But from this age, the child is introduced to the new order, and punishments for misdeeds also appear.

Up to two years for the child should not apply a disciplinary measure. It is better to transfer the attention of the child to other things. At the same time, it is necessary to clearly say “no” and make it clear to the baby that certain behavior is not desirable. At three years old, the child begins a crisis phase, he begins to protest, disobey certain rules, and he may have hysteria. Distraction in this case may not work, so you can connect such a punishment as stopping the game or refusing to buy the desired toy.

Many parents want to know how to punish a child in 5 years correctly. It should be borne in mind that at the age of three to five years, the first types of punishment can be applied. After all, for children of this age, the main rules and disciplinary methods are established. At this age, the child begins to put in a corner, and also put on a chair for those who are guilty.

If a parent wants to know how to punish a child at the age of 8, then you need to take into account that corporal punishment should be abolished. If you leave corporal punishment, then the child at this age begins to feel humiliation from this method. Parents should conduct more conversations with the child, discuss certain actions. And it is also possible with examples to explain the possible causes of human behavior and to develop empathy.

To know how to punish a child at the age of 10, it is necessary to remember that direct duties (cleaning, lessons) cannot be used as a preventive measure. It is not recommended to compare the ten-year-old boy with other children, self-esteem will suffer from this, but good results will not work. During the punishment there should be no witnesses.

Censure is necessary even for minor offenses. If this is not done, then each time they will be bigger and bigger, and the child will be harder to stop.

In order to choose the right disciplinary measure for a teenager, it is necessary to take into account that in transitional age young people are very sensitive to the opinions of other people, they tend to go to extremes. For a teenager, you can apply such punishment as deprivation of privileges, as well as reducing the time of communication with friends.

When punishment is unacceptable

It must be borne in mind that the child should be punished for deliberate prohibited action. And the punishment must correspond to the severity of the evil deed. If he stole money, raised his hand to his sister or brother, left the house, then the consequence should be appropriate.

And also before punishment one should find out the motive of the offense. Make sure that a serious deed was carried out consciously, and not by mistake or ignorance.

You can not blame the child in the following cases:

  1. If he committed a certain action in an effort to know the world. For example, he could walk through puddles to find out their depth. Or he could make out a rather expensive item in order to understand how it is made.
  2. For the fact that he behaves in a certain way due to illness or disorder (neurosis, psychiatric illness).
  3. For actions that have occurred through negligence. For example, he spilled a glass of water or got dirty when he fell.

Rules of correct punishment

Disciplinary measure also serves to ensure that the baby is aware of their feelings and in the future such situations do not recur. For greater effect, parents need to follow certain rules:

  1. Must be consistent. Retribution is necessary for the same offenses. It is impossible to let the capriciousness of a child go by itself, even if the parent does not have time to conduct a conversation.
  2. Do not turn a blind eye to the severity of misconduct. If this is the first violation of the rules or the child is a little pampered, then only a warning will follow. Strictly need to react to intentional misconduct.
  3. The duration of the consequences should have its own framework. The heir must always know when the punishment will end. Otherwise, he will lose the investigative connection between the incident and the punishment, which lasts, for example, three weeks.
  4. Actions must be rational. To do this, the parent must first calm down, and then think about the method of punishment.
  5. The husband and wife must agree with each other in the choice of a disciplinary measure. Otherwise, manipulations may begin.
  6. A child should have a positive example before his eyes. The child often adopts the behavior of parents, so first of all they must be a model of the desired behavior.

Rational censure methods

Need to know the basic ways to punish a child.which include:

  1. Loss of some benefits. This method is the most effective of all types of punishment of children. For example, you can limit the ability to play computer games or watch your favorite shows for a certain time.
  2. Bug fixes. For example, if a teenager painted a table with paints, he needs to provide a sponge - let him rub off what he has done.
  3. To apologize. If the offspring offended someone, now let him ask for forgiveness. If, for example, he broke a pencil, then let him give his.
  4. Do not notice. This method is more suitable for kids, but you can not use it often. If the kid has been mischievous all day, you can stop talking to him for a while.
  5. Extra help around the house. Additional housework may be a disciplinary measure for a teenager. For example, he can be assigned additional mopping, dusting.

И также необходимо помнить о таком способе, как осуждение. Родители должны беседовать с чадом о том, какие чувства вызвало его поведение и почему оно считается неправильным.

Можно ли обойтись без наказаний ребенка

В ответе на этот вопрос среди педагогов и психологов нет единого мнения. But most of them, including the same Makarenko, for example, believed and believed that this method should be used only when there is no other way out. That is, completely do without it when raising will not work. However, studies show that any kind of impact on the child works the better, the less often it is used.

You can do without punishment if you can replace it with something else. For example, instead of putting a naughty child into a corner (or writing notes in a diary to schoolchildren running around during the break), it is better to try to redirect his energy. For example, on a learning game or some interesting work with adults.

Quite often, people use the punishment of children for curiosity, craving for knowledge, which is quite natural. Moreover, these qualities are subsequently required by educators, teachers, and life itself. Therefore, do not scold the son or daughter for the fact that they tried to disassemble the alarm clock. Instead, it will be much more useful to study together the device of the clock mechanism.

However, in cases where a child simply tests an adult for softness, observing the reaction in response to an intentional act, adequate measures are simply necessary. The most important thing at this moment is not to overreact, choose the right method of exposure.

The main types of punishment for children by adults

In pedagogy, there are several types of punishments, classifying them according to the goals of this method of influencing a person:

    Restriction in rights (prohibitions). As a rule, such a punishment is applied to the child in the family, and it can perhaps be considered the mildest of all. Most often, it is resorted to when they want to achieve the execution of an action. For example, if a child does not want to remove toys, then he is limited by forbidding to watch cartoons or go for a walk with peers. In most cases, this technique works. A child with great enthusiasm performs what is required of him. You can also restrict rights for a certain time as a punishment for any offense. But at the same time, the restriction must be closely connected with it, so that a logical connection is clearly visible for the child. Otherwise, the next time he will seek to simply avoid punishment, without being aware of its causes. For example, if a child refuses to collect toys, then you can forbid him to take them for a while. The period during which the ban will be valid must also be adequate. Otherwise, the child will accuse parents of injustice.

Empowerment. This type of punishment is often used not only in the family, but also in school, as well as in adult life (for example, punishment by public works). As the name implies, its meaning is that the child forcibly performs some kind of action. For example, an extraordinary washing up, cleaning the common room. As in the previous case, the desired effect can be achieved if the additional responsibilities are somehow connected with the misconduct itself. For example, if rubbish was deliberately scattered, you can be obliged to clean the room for a certain time. Otherwise, the child may feel a victim of injustice.

Moral sanctions (censure, conviction). Such a punishment in the upbringing of children, as a rule, has the goal of causing a feeling of guilt and regret for their actions. This is one of the most effective methods of influencing a person, with the help of which one or another model of behavior can be programmed in the future, and the child will no longer do what he was ashamed of, for which he was condemned by authoritative personalities (parents, teachers, older comrades). Moral sanctions are very often used both in the family and in kindergarten, in the school. Of course, they must be adequate to the act, age and psychological characteristics of the offender.

  • Corporal punishment. The most controversial method around which controversy has not abated throughout the history of pedagogy. Moreover, in the legislation (for example, in the Family Code) of most countries there is a direct ban on physical punishment both in the family and in various children's institutions. Nevertheless, even such teachers as Makarenko, Locke, and other luminaries of world science allowed, although in exceptional cases, the physical punishment of children. Moreover, we can speak here not only about a banal beat, but also about more sophisticated types of physical effects (the use of additional exercises as "fines" in sports clubs or camps are not considered). Some modern psychologists do not contradict this.

  • Of course, such a classification is rather conditional, but it is she, not counting corporal punishment, used in the modern system of raising children in special institutions (kindergartens, schools, camps, etc.). And the most important thing here is to choose the right and apply the method of punishment.

    The right choice of punishment for the child

    As already mentioned, any punishment aims to prevent further undesirable acts and actions of the punishable. Therefore, it is important for the teacher and the parent to act not under the influx of their own emotions, but depending on the situation, age and psychological characteristics of their ward.

    Examples have already been considered in the previous paragraph. And now it is worth adding other factors, the consideration of which will help to carry out the correct punishment of children:

      The child must clearly understand why he is being punished.. At the same time between his offense or guilt and the method of punishment should be a simple logical connection. For example, we trash - clean. And then do it in another room to respect the work of other people. But then the question arises: what to do if the child is physically unable to perform actions adequate to his misbehavior? From here comes the second important condition.

    The ratio of physical capacity and punishment. It is logical to say that there is no point in forcing a three-year-old girl or boy to rake leaves on six hundred square meters. The inability to handle the rake and the lack of strength for this will cause them only insult and despair, and for the older ones - irritation and an extra reason for reproaches. In such a situation, you need to look for alternative solutions, to apply other methods of punishing the child.

    Situation that led to the need for punishment. This aspect is very often overlooked by many parents, educators and teachers. As a result, children may be punished unfairly, or it may be too strict. First of all, everyone is obliged to objectively understand the situation, and only then collect. For example, it is impossible to punish the poorly tied shoelaces of one who has not yet developed the necessary motor skills. Likewise, you should not punish the child because he broke the cup, trying to put out the fire. Even for adult criminals, there is a notion of extenuating circumstances.

    Timeliness and sequence of actions. Psychologists and educators say that in many cases punishment should follow either immediately after the offense, or be absent altogether. Of course, a lot depends on the situation here, but you should not be punished for a misdemeanor later, for example, two or three days. It may be better to apply a softer punishment, but in a timely manner. Most relevant is for young children.

  • Features of character and age psychology of the child. When choosing a method of punishment, parents should take into account the nature of the daughter or son so that the process of punishment does not escalate into a situation of “who is who.” In some cases, you can get a result that is directly opposite to what you want, and the child will continue to perform the same act in spite of parents or educators. And even more serious consequences, including suicide, can result in improper punishment, if you do not take into account age-related psychology. Especially during puberty, when the psyche of the child is exposed to hormones.

  • It is necessary to clearly understand the limits of what is permitted in the punishments in order not to injure the psyche (and sometimes the body) of the ward by his actions, and also not to lay the foundation for the model of undesirable behavior.

    The main prohibitions in the punishment of children

    Raising a child, you can significantly bend the stick. Such behavior will eventually lead to protests, boycotts, problems with studies, or else to the isolation and detachment of the child. In addition, the situation will certainly affect his future, and the accumulated grievances will make themselves known in adulthood and even in his family.

    Here are things to avoid during punishments:

      Humiliation. Psychologists and educators unanimously declare that the punishment of children should in no way demean their personality.

    Harm to health. In some cases, parents or caregivers (teachers) may not beat, but use other measures to influence a child: to force him to squat or push up from the floor, to contact one way or another with cold water, and even to kneel in a corner. It must be remembered that all this, apart from humiliation, can cause serious injuries and illnesses. And already about any educational effect there will be no talk.

    Punishment for several misdemeanors at the same time.. It is a rule to take the following: one offense - one punishment. Even experienced criminals, serving a term on several articles at once, sit as long as the heaviest of them provides.

    Punishing children, especially teenagers, in public. At this vulnerable age, a public demonstration of the moral or physical superiority of an adult, even a parent, can not only cause psychological trauma to the child, but also have irreversible negative consequences for him in the peer collective. This rule should be remembered not only by parents, but also by teachers, educators.

  • Unreasonable abolition of punishment. It is necessary to always show consistency and firmness: there is a decision to punish - it is necessary to fulfill it. Otherwise there is a risk of loss of authority with all the ensuing consequences. Children value justice in both encouragement and retribution.

  • In addition, you should not use the prohibitions and punishments of the child for revenge, “just in case,” succumbing to your emotions and mood. We must not forget about the presumption of innocence. It applies to all. It is not recommended to practice this method as the only educational. Always need to remember about the promotion.

    As you can see, retribution for offenses is not easy. And besides, it is necessary not only to punish correctly, but also to adhere to the correct line of conduct after that.

    How to behave with the child at the educational moment

    In pedagogy, there are such things as “authority of power” and “power of authority”. They are closely interrelated and play a very important role in education. Children will listen and respect who they consider to be a leader. In their understanding, the leader must be strong.

    Rightly encouraging and punishing, an adult shows his inner strength. At this moment, the child is under the authority of power. But later in its application there will be no need, as the adult will enjoy authority.

    In order for the image of a just and strong-willed person not to be lost, it is necessary to choose the correct course of action after punishment.

      Punishment of the child in the family must be unanimous. That is, one parent should not overrule the decisions of another.

    You can not cancel your decision immediately, so to speak, after the announcement of the sentence. Otherwise, children simply will not believe in the seriousness of the intentions of adults. This gives rise to the conviction that everything will get away with it.

  • It must be remembered that if the child was punished, then he had already answered for his misconduct, which means that he was forgiven. And to recall the past in a negative context is no longer possible. Otherwise, it will look like its complete destruction. But this is not an enemy, but a child.

  • So, all of the above suggests that punishment is a responsible and difficult measure, it requires a balanced and competent approach. Moreover, it should be used only if nothing else works.

    How to punish a child - see the video:

    Getting started

    First you need to remember that the punishment will be effective only when your baby understands the reason why he is being punished and admits his guilt. He must understand that he has committed a bad deed and it was for this that he was punished. Therefore, choosing the method of punishment must necessarily take into account the age of your child.

    Indeed, in a year your baby will not understand yet what his parents are punishing him for. Even if he did something, he did it unconsciously. Understanding their own "I" in children develops only in 2-2.5 years, i.e. it is only at this age that they begin to realize that it was they who performed some kind of action, for example, they broke the cup.

    Therefore, children younger than 2-2.5 years simply do not make sense to punish, because everything that the crumb understands from your punishment is that parents do not like him. Older children, if they have done something bad, must be punished.

    The most important thing is that the child should learn a lesson from your punishment, he should understand what he is being punished for and not to do it again.

    The effectiveness of any punishment depends on the observance of several rules:

    1. Timeliness. It is necessary to punish immediately, and not to postpone it for later. Small children have a vague idea of ​​time. Therefore, if you punish a child in an hour, or when you arrive home, he will not even remember the reason for his punishment and will only be offended at you for injustice. The kid should understand the connection between his act and your punishment. For example, if he hit someone on the playground, you should tell him that you immediately go home because of his bad behavior.
    2. Clarification of the cause. It is very important for parents not to hurry with punishment, succumbing to emotions. First of all, you need to calmly find out from the child why he did this? Perhaps he did not want anything bad, and everything that happened is just an accident. Then there is nothing to punish him for.
    3. Proportionality. If your kid has done some petty prank, then the punishment should not be too strict. And, conversely, for serious misconduct must be punished to the fullest extent. Cruel punishment can traumatize the psyche of the child, and if the punishment is too lenient, then he simply will not take him seriously. Therefore, you need to know when to stop.
    4. Explanation of the reason for the punishment. Before you punish your baby, explain to him why you are doing this. Make sure he understood everything. It is very important to establish eye contact with the child during the explanation and to speak with him about the reason for his punishment, then he will definitely not miss your remarks and remember for a long time that “this cannot be done”.
    5. Duration Do not punish the child for a long time, for example, for a week or more. Otherwise, he will forget about the reason for such punishment the very next day, and there will be very little benefit from him.
    6. Establishment of uniform rules. This refers to the fact that you must explain to the child in advance what you can do and what not. All family members, both parents and grandparents should follow these rules. If there is no unity in the family about a certain issue, then your baby will simply get confused and will not listen to anyone.
    7. One punishment for many misdeeds. Punishment should always be one, even if your kid has done a lot of bad things. Never punish every perfect misdemeanor. Better choose a more severe punishment, but for all at once.
    8. Do not deprive of praise and the gift promised earlier. If your kid has done something wrong, but after that he did something good, then he cannot be cheated by your praise. The same applies to these earlier promises and gifts. If you promised a trip to the zoo, then in no case can not cancel it because of the misconduct of your child. Punish him in a different way, but go to the zoo anyway.
    9. Always evaluate the child’s behavior, not his personality. Children are very gullible and often susceptible to suggestion from others, especially as regards the words of their closest people. If the mother constantly repeats the baby that he is bad, clumsy, etc., then very soon he will believe in it and will not behave differently. If the child is guilty, tell him not “you are bad”, but “you did a bad thing and you can’t do that”.
    10. Punish in private. If you are in a public place, it is best to stand aside with the child and discuss his behavior face to face. Punishing in public, you can seriously traumatize the psyche of your baby.
    11. Removal of guilt. After you have punished your baby, you never remember his past offenses. He must understand that after serving the punishment, he is removed from all the blame for what happened.

    In addition, there are situations where the child should not be punished at all, even if he has done something.

    So, it is better not to punish the child:

    • if he is sick (in such a state, when the psyche is very vulnerable, it is very difficult to predict his reaction to your punishment),
    • after experiencing mental or physical trauma,
    • when he eats,
    • before bedtime or after sleep
    • if he is failing something, although he is trying very hard,
    • if you don't understand the true reasons for his behavior,
    • if he is afraid of something
    • если вы сами раздражены или устали (иначе ребенок может попасть под вашу горячую руку, и он будет наказан несправедливо).

    Также нельзя наказывать детей за их естественное поведение. Например, если ваш малыш бегал, а потом упал и испачкался. Дети очень подвижны и, конечно же, они могут падать и пачкаться. Так что не стоит их за это ругать.

    Кроме того нельзя наказывать если малыш проявляет природное любопытство. He only learns to know the world, and you should support him in every way in this, and not limit his desires.

    Now let's talk about what are the penalties

    1. Scream. This method of punishment is the most common. Very often, parents, giving in to their emotions, start yelling at the child for each of his misdeeds. This is their biggest mistake. Children very quickly get used to raised tones, and very soon they will simply not pay attention to your screams. It is best to save the cry in case your child will be in danger when you need to quickly attract his attention to stop his dangerous actions.
    2. Threats If you threaten your baby, then this threat must be realizable. For example, you scare him that Baba Yaga, Babayka or someone else's uncle will come and take him away for bad behavior, but after a perfect misconduct the kid understands that nobody came to him, which means he has nothing to fear and you can also behave. The child simply ceases to believe all your threats and his behavior will not change.
    3. Ignore. You defiantly ignore the guilty child. For children of preschool age, this is a very serious punishment, as they very much need the love of their parents. If the mother is offended, the baby will try in every way to attract attention. But to ignore him for a long time is also not worth it. If the baby has changed his behavior for the better, then immediately return to him the kindest and affectionate mother.
    4. Isolation If the baby still does not want to calm down, then you should isolate him from you. Very often, children try to attract attention with various shouts and whims, but as soon as the object on which their actions are directed disappears from their appearance, they immediately calm down. Take the baby to another room where there are no toys, put him in a corner and let him think about his behavior there. Usually, the time allotted for such a punishment must correspond to the age of the child. If he is 3 years old, then he should stand in the corner for 3 minutes. Believe that for children restriction of their mobility is a serious punishment, and these 3 minutes will seem like an eternity to them.
    5. Labor punishment. It is designed for the child to correct what he has done. For example, we lit up - swept the floor, scattered toys - collected them. You should not punish washing dishes, cleaning, etc. Especially for a long time. Otherwise, your child will perceive any chores as punishment, and will never help you with a pure heart.
    6. Deprivation of pleasure. This punishment does not harm your child in any way, but it will definitely discourage him from behaving badly. For example, you can prohibit watching his favorite cartoon or deprive him of dessert.
    7. Physical punishment. This is the most dangerous method of punishment. Constant slaps and beatings with a belt can cause irreparable harm to the psyche of the child. He may become withdrawn or, on the contrary, too cruel and embittered. All that the child will understand from your punishment is that you are unfair to him, and that the strong is always right. And then he will start to drive all his anger to the weaker. The child will not be afraid to commit a bad deed, he will be afraid of punishment for him.

    Disobedience of children sometimes puzzles parents. When choosing ways of punishment, you should always think about how this can affect your children? What lesson will they get? In no case can not humiliate children morally and physically.

    At any age, your child is already a person, a person who must be respected. Your task, as parents, is to explain to him the norms of behavior, and gently direct him in the right direction. And most importantly, no matter what punishment you choose, the child should always know and feel that you love him anyway!

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