Look for the other side of all the flaws that you see in people on the street. Instead of wriggling from the overly defiant appearance of a teenager, admire his self-confidence. Instead of hating the loud laughter of a man at the next table, think about how he is having fun with friends.
Say ten positive things a day
Train your mind to be more compassionate, looking for the good in others and in yourself. Set a goal in front of you: ten compliments a day, and you will quickly notice that you don’t feel like looking around for bad features.
Think about how you want to look in the eyes of other people.
You should try to achieve a good reputation, because it can be a great motivation. Do you want to be remembered as a person who always condemns everyone around? If you try to be more compassionate, it will help you better understand how you look in the eyes of the person you are judging, as well as in the eyes of everyone else.
Turn the presumption of innocence into a game
In most cases, you have no idea what caused the person’s actions. If you understand that you are looking down on a decision that another person is making, play a game in which you will try to explain why he acted that way. Maybe the driver who cut you is in a hurry to the hospital because his wife is about to give birth to him? Perhaps this baby is crying because his teeth are being cut, and not because his parents mistreat him? Even if these explanations are not very reasonable, it can be an excellent reminder that you sometimes find yourself in similar situations.
Get rid of uncertainty
Often, people begin to criticize others in order to feel more confident in their background. Pay attention to such cases and realize that such judgments are envy in you. After that, you need to take a short break and feel gratitude for what you have, without comparing it to others.
Give up gossip
It may not be possible to completely avoid gossip, but you should try to change the topic of conversation every time your friends start condemning other people in your presence. Try to bring a different perspective into the conversation or report some positive qualities of the person being discussed.
Blame the deed, not the person
Everyone makes mistakes, so you should put it up as a bad deed, not as a sign of a bad character. This person, most likely, already feels guilty because of what he did, and he definitely has other good qualities that balance any shortcomings.
Imagine speaking your thoughts out loud
An easy way to imagine yourself in another person's place? Imagine his reaction if you would express your criticism out loud. Think about how this person can justify his words and actions. You will learn to look at things from a different point of view, without even opening your mouth.
Think of your own strange habits
You should remember that you also have many qualities that other people may perceive as unpleasant. Who cares how horrible your sweatpants look like if they give you pleasure on a day off? And if the hated music band makes you happy, who will make you remove all of her albums?
When you understand that a negative thought has arisen in your brain, you should take it as such. It is just a thought, not a sign of good or evil. Just ask yourself why this negative feeling appeared, and then redirect your mind to something else. If you free your head from thoughts, it will allow you to refrain from criticizing others.
Make compassion your goal
As with any other bad habits, you can get better results if you have a specific goal. Create an image in your head of how you would like to communicate with people you criticize. Imagine how you communicate with them with love and understanding, and not with contempt.
Reasons for the conviction of other people
In jurisprudence there is a term “presumption of innocence”. For ordinary life, this term can also be transferred. Other people should not be condemned unless proven guilty of serious "crimes." For the most part, the desire to condemn arises without proof. And this means that the problem lies in the most judgmental person, because he is the one who “thinks out” himself, for which you can blame the other. Why it happens? One can cite the following reasons for condemning others.
1. The discrepancy between expectations and reality
Attempting to blame another person for something often arises when this person does not meet expectations. For example, I want him to behave affably and friendly. But he either manifests himself as an inveterate ham, or simply does not notice and ignores. In principle, ignoring the other is not yet a serious reason for judgment. But after all, in the described case, an insult arises, which is a powerful incentive to condemn.
Placing high hopes on someone, people risk greatly disappointed. And disappointment is followed by a response, that is, a condemnation. A disappointed person acts according to the principle: “You do not meet my expectations, therefore I have the right to condemn you in stupidity, weak character, physical weakness, ignorance,” and so on.
2. Going beyond the usual morality
The relationship of conviction and personal moral values is very persistent. When a person observes the actions of others, inappropriate to his ideas of morality, he unwittingly begins to condemn. For some, even smoking or using foul language is a serious cause for condemnation. Other people do not see anything terrible in the theft or assault. The thing is that these categories of people have completely different moral values and a different level of morality.
The stricter the upbringing in childhood was, the higher the likelihood that a person, as an adult, would condemn others even in trifles. Not always the attempts of parents to inculcate good manners lead to the right result. As a result, grows a snob, who considers others below himself. And at every opportunity he tries to remind them of this.
3. Trying to exalt yourself
Hidden complexes, fears, unresolved intrapersonal conflicts - all this can also lead to the desire to condemn others. After all, where condemnation is, there is exaltation of oneself. Many people live by this principle - they humiliate others in order to emphasize their own advantages. It doesn’t matter that often these advantages are dubious. The main thing is for a person to feel as if he is better than others in at least something.
This is mainly due to an unconscious feeling of inferiority. True, people with egocentrism and with high self-esteem, such attempts also occur frequently. In both cases, the condemnation of the other becomes a way to strengthen one’s own confidence.
4. Banal personal dislike
It is possible to condemn someone regardless of what exactly a person does. If he himself is unpleasant, then almost all of his actions will be discussed. Perhaps there is some kind of long-standing resentment here. For example, a colleague who has been promoted fraudulently will be perceived as a person with a huge number of flaws. His conviction is a consequence of such a formed opinion.
Whatever he does, the desire to condemn him still remains. And even attempts to improve the relations that he undertakes are perceived as insincere. They are looking for a catch, although the person behaves openly and honestly. Although there are serious reasons. For example, if an ex-man tries to return to you, you are unlikely to accept him immediately.
5. Desire to join a social group
There are whole social groups in which to condemn people with certain features is the norm. Teens are critical of teachers. They come up with nicknames, try to insult, directly or indirectly, complain to their parents and so on. In the adolescent environment it is accepted. And the "participant" who does not follow the general rules becomes an outcast.
In adulthood, everything is the same. In a team, traditions can be formed to condemn the authorities for any reason. Between the friends also gossip about a particular "impartial" person. As a result, the social group forms the habit of condemning certain "opponents". Get rid of her, of course, possible. But you need to be prepared that the social group will resist this. In the end, she can completely banish her "wrong" member.
6. Persistent negativity
Finally, another reason for the condemnation of others is such a peculiarity of a person’s character as negativism. The negativist goes against everyone at once. He does not care what to fight. Thoughts and actions of the negativist pursue a single goal - to confront others. Condemnation becomes one of the simplest ways to show the rejection of opinions or desires that do not coincide with their own.
The problem of negativism is that it does not allow to form a stable personality. What the negativist liked yesterday will be condemned and criticized tomorrow. This man has nothing permanent.
Condemnation of others - personal problem
Interestingly, almost all the reasons for the condemnation of outsiders are associated with the condemning himself. That is, the essence of the claims comes down to internal problems. The exception is the situation when a person “came” to some group. Above this was said. In other cases, the real culprit of the conviction is precisely the one who criticizes. If you do not want this to become a serious intrapersonal conflict, you should overcome the desire to condemn someone.
What is a conviction?
Condemnation is not a negative assessment, as many believe. Often, the conviction is carried out subjectively, that is, without analyzing the situation because of which the person caused disapproval. His actions, traits or behavior are regarded in a negative way, they cause censure, incomprehension, and sometimes disgust. But such judgments are not always justified.
Reasons for conviction
So why do we condemn other people? The reasons for this behavior may be different, and here are some of them:
- Improving your own score, the so-called decompensation. Far few manage to live and behave properly and according to the laws of morality, and each of us has the right to make mistakes. But in order not to blame and consider themselves bad, proving to themselves that everything is not so bad, many begin to evaluate the actions of others and, of course, find flaws in them. And condemnation is becoming a way to convince oneself that there are worse people.
- Stereotypical thinking. What was previously considered unacceptable and immoral, gradually becomes normal and mundane. Unfortunately, this is life. But not all changes are so disastrous for society, as many believe. For example, if before a man was considered to be the main person in the family, today a woman has the same rights, and sometimes performs the same functions, such as maintaining the family, driving a car, and running a business. But this often causes condemnation, and not only the self-sufficient woman, but also her spouse. He is considered “mummy” and “henpecked”, and hers are too self-confident or unfeminine.
- Inability to objectively assess the situation. Many are beginning to condemn others, even without penetrating into the situation, because of what the opinion is erroneous.
- Banal envy. Yes, and she, too, can push on the conviction. So, if you envy a neighbor who has an expensive car, you will certainly look for reasons to belittle him in your own eyes. And you will find many reasons to do this, and very different ones: from the wrong (probably only in your opinion) parking to overweight or greed. Such a reason, by the way, is especially common among women, and for them often appearance is the subject of both envy and condemnation.
- Manipulation method. If we reproach a person for something or blame him, then, in this way, we develop a feeling of guilt in him, and his psychologists are often compared to fear in their degree of influence on the psyche. The condemned person starts to consider himself guilty, worthless, sinful or incomplete and therefore easily gives in to any influence, because he can begin to think that he cannot do something on his own and without someone else's advice. In addition, he is ready to do anything to prove to others (especially to those who criticize him) and to himself that he is worth something and in fact is not as bad as people think of him.
- Rejection of their own shortcomings or actions. Often we refuse to see and accept our "sins." And in order to make sure that they are insignificant, we begin to “dig” in the lives of others and, of course, we find in it a lot of bad and reprehensible. And this makes it easier for us.
- Boredom. Often, friends or friends begin to condemn someone in the process of conversation. This is most often due to the lack of other topics for conversation. When all the news is analyzed and narrated, there is nothing left but to go to the “bone-washing”. And this is typical of many, especially women.
How to stop condemning?
How to get rid of such a bad habit?
- Understand that no one is perfect, everything is very different, and everyone has the right to make mistakes. After all, mistakes are an invaluable experience. And risks or rash acts sometimes lead to achievements. Just understand it and accept this thought, let it become one of the vital principles for you.
- Learn to analyze the situation. Before you criticize and condemn a person, try to understand why he acted or behaved that way. Probably, he simply had no other way out, or he tried to save someone. Always try to put yourself in the place of another and then, probably, you will evaluate his life differently.
- Try to free your thinking from stereotypes. And it is not easy if you live in your own world and do not contact with others, you do not know what is happening in the world. And in order to understand that everything is changing (and sometimes radically), communicate more, learn something new, travel, develop. Then you will begin to look at life and people differently.
- Try to make sure that you have no time left for the conviction. If you live a full, vibrant and interesting life, then you simply will not care about the actions and behavior of others. Yes, and topics for talking with friends and relatives will always be there.
- Increase your own self-esteem. Sometimes it is not so easy, but still possible. To do this, improve, develop, perform as many good deeds as possible, help people.
- Learn not to condemn, but to offer help. Probably, the person who deserved your conviction stumbled or committed stupidity, after which he himself regretted it and did not know how to change the situation. Your help will probably be useful and will help to make things better or correct mistakes.
- Before you give someone a negative assessment, analyze your own behavior, and also consider how you would act in such a situation. Perhaps you are no better than the one you are going to condemn, and this should stop you.
- Remember that you too can be condemned, moreover, behind your back and using unflattering statements.
- Learn how to live your life and not intervene in someone else's, after all, what happens to others often does not concern you.
Be kinder and polite and refrain from condemnation!